I Wrote a letter to LinkedIn but I’m too chickenshit to post it

Lol... This letter has been in my draft for a while now, but the fear of being blacklisted is greater than my sarcastic rant. I mean, it might have done great, but I couldn’t risk finding out. But one thing is for sure, I’m going to find somewhere that doesn’t threaten my livelihood and post it. And which other platform is perfect for rants if not Medium?

Read it and you can agree with me that I am right.

Oh, hi, dear, LinkedIn

Not good to see you too.

I heard you house industry experts but all I see here are industry wannabees like me. Pimping their profiles with lies like Author Pym pimps the Usher's contracts (watch the Fall of the House of Usher to understand the reference)

Expert on copywriting? Saas writer? Seo writer? Content writer? All with the ' open to work ' badge. Please! It's more packaging than the package.

You are supposed to be the job street journal but you have more job seekers than available jobs. But that's not on you anyway.

What's on you though, is you sending people who are also looking for a job my way. Did I tell you I'm signing up for a blind leading blind contest?

Aren't you supposed to be waving my profile in the faces of people who are open to hiring?

If I get one more expert on copywriting asking to connect, I’m gonna... Urgh! I would have said throw my phone away but I can’t afford a new phone with how the dollar is steadily wacking Naira (Thanks, Nigeria, I can’t even afford an empty threat)
But I promise you, I will drag you through the mud until your blue turns into a Halloween pumpkin 🎃.

I mean, I'm still open to connecting with everyone though. Beggers can choose but I choose not to discriminate.

What reservations do you have about LinkedIn? Don't worry, you can let me in on your deepest grudges and I won't tell😉

Meanwhile, follow for more light-hearted stories like this one.
You can also buy me a Kofi even though it’s not a Nigeria thing. Might as well adopt it like we adopted other things